[#defusebullying + #positivity✨+ #sharks🦈] “Now - you know what he’s like, so just be prepared.”. I heard this warning from several different family members, so I took note.
It was advice given to me ahead of a family gathering about someone who didn't approve of my mixed heritage or my Muslim family.
It led to a brief experience that I’ve thought about often since.
The person began to tell me about the time he met my Pakistani father, back in the 90’s.
At the gathering, he came over to me and began to speak.
“I met your Daddy long ago. He was wearing one of those hats, and that Pakistani outfit that day”.
A couple of other family members were listening in.
An audience enough.
A knot in my tummy.
He laughed out loud as he finished the next bit:
“A little girl walked by - she looked up and saw your daddy, and said:
'Is he the Taliban?’, Mommy?!”
More laughter, including, shakily, my own.
But only for a moment.
I recalibrated.
Heart on high alert.
First, I verified my doubt about this story:
Half laughing, “Oh come on, did she really say that, a little girl? In the 90s?!” Disbelief.
“Oh yes, yes!” He laughed. The others too.
“Well.” I said. Recalibrating.
(And it is this next bit that neutralised it).
Brightly. Calmly:
“I hear those hats - the pakhol - are some of the warmest you can find.”
A couple of shifts in expressions. They turned to see what I’d say next.
"And they can look so handsome, too. They’re handmade - of wool.”
I invited the pairs of eyes watching the exchange to weigh in.
And that is when, various heads nodded along, conceding.
He looked puzzled. Went quiet.
And in that moment, the toxic comment was defused.
We carried on chatting and had a lovely time.
He didn’t mention my father or my heritage again.
————
💭#Reflectwithme on this:
This exchange was rapid but took time for me to process.
I felt that he chose this story to humiliate me and/or my Pakistani father.
If not, at the very least, it wasn’t the kindest story or manner to tell it.
So what does this have to do with sharks?
Well.
I wish I could have talked this through with #UncleLen.
And I know if he was here, he would talk about lessons from nature.
Like sharks.
I can almost hear him:
"And you know what to do if you’re ever at risk of a shark attack, don’t you, Sunny?".
Ever practical, steps:
1: Understand there is a shark in the midst. Danger.
2: Stand your ground. No shaking. Calm.
3: When it attacks, biff it in the nose. Strong.
4: Watch it turn and leave. Smile.
5: Enjoy your swim. Free.
I want us all to reach no. 5:
Free.
I think we can.
As long as we talk about it, share strategies, build confidence.
We'll defuse it bit by bit.
Here’s to us all calmly biffing away the toxic sharks, and swimming.
Safe.
Free.
✨
📸: Wearing lots of Afghan jewellery and a traditional cap.
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